Permission to Confess Your Marriage Isn't Perfect
In my last blog post, I shared a little about how trouble in my marriage has caused some anxiety issues, and how the Helper has been faithful in pulling me through. Since then, friends have been reaching out privately to say they have been there, or are currently struggling, and that guilt or fear have kept them from talking about it and asking for help.
People are hurting and people are lonely.
And marriage is hard. It's not just hard for a few of us-- it's just hard.
My husband read that last blog before it was posted, and though it was no doubt difficult for him to have something so personal out there, he encouraged me to share it, in the hope that it would help someone. We want to point hurting couples to the cross for refuge. You see, when God forgives, He redeems. We are living that redemption in our marriage right now. God has been faithful. We are grateful, and we want to tell and encourage others.
If you are struggling in your marriage, it's okay. I promise you are not the first person to think the things you are thinking or feel the things you are feeling. I know it's scary. I know there's stigma in admitting that you don't adore your spouse 100% of the time. Social media makes marriage look like it's all sweet cards, amazing vacations, and beautiful bouquets for no reason. But most of us (probably all of us) sometimes think we made a huge mistake even getting married, and now we've got kids and a mortgage and we're stuck, and how the heck did we let this happen??!
Guess what. It's okay to say that out loud. In fact, it actually helps. Nine years in, I am no expert, but I have learned a few things, and I can tell you with absolute certainty that hiding your pain will not do you any good. Confess it. Confess it to God, confess it to your spouse, and confess it to others that you trust.
If you do not have a small group that meets regularly, I highly recommend finding one. Our house church has been key to our survival the last several months, and we know we will continue to need Jesus and a strong faith community throughout the rest of our marriage. We need people to love us and hug us and pray for us. Find your people, and trust them to listen and care and help.
I think many marriages fail because couples don't know there is help available, or don't know where to look for it, or are just too frightened to ask. If that is you today, say something to someone. Start with just one person.
Friends, your Savior wants to free you. He knows your heart is broken and desperate, but He is sovereign, and He honors covenants. Something supernatural and eternal happened on my wedding day. God is going to fight for my marriage. So I’m all in. Through the doubts, through the pain, through the anxiety, I will trust in the Lord and His promises, and I will choose to love my husband even when it it doesn’t feel safe.
Hope is not lost. Not for my marriage and not for yours.
Read the Psalms. Be reminded of God's faithfulness, and rest in it. He sees you. He hears you. He loves you. You are not alone.
Katie Morrison confesses to being fickle and easily distracted, but despite the struggle to pin down her countless dreams and plans for her life, she rests in the unfathomable grace of God. Her prayer in life and in writing is to show others a piece of that grace and direct them to its source. She loves Jesus, her amazing family, and her community at Common Ground West. She also loves stories anywhere she can find them- on paper, on film, on stage, in music, and in conversation.